Well, the unknown wasn’t that bad after all—probably not too surprising.
That being said, a chemo port completely sucks.
They made a small incision somewhere near my collarbone on the right side of my chest. I can’t really tell exactly where it is because of the bandages, but I know it’s there—and that there’s a device under my skin. When I stand up, I can feel gravity pulling on it. It’s not painful exactly, just awkward and weird-feeling.
Tomorrow morning, I start chemotherapy. I think I’m as ready as I’ll ever be to have poison pumped directly into my heart. I keep saying that, because it still feels wild to me that that’s what’s actually going to happen.
Still, I’m holding out hope for some of the less talked about side effects—the ones I almost certainly imagined while on anesthesia. You know, like being able to see seven seconds into the future, developing perfect pitch, or suddenly knowing how to paint. That’d be cool.
There were a few bright spots today that I really appreciated. My mom’s best friend—who we’ve always called Aunt Eliane—was kind enough to take me to the surgery. I hadn’t read the location info carefully, and it turned out I needed to be at the Woodlands campus, which was an hour north of where I was staying. On the drive, we got to talk—really talk—for the first time as adults, for more than just a couple of minutes.
She shared stories about my mom, my dad, and my Uncle Calvin, who died in a plane crash before I was born. I knew he was a pilot flying missions for missionaries when he died, but I never really knew any details about his life beyond the highlights. Hearing about him like that was a silver lining to an otherwise crappy day, and I was really grateful for it.
I heard someone say that no good story ever happens when everything is going right. I liked that.
Things are going okay right now, all things considered. But even if that saying holds true, I still hope this ends up being a good story—because of the hard parts, not in spite of them.
We’ll see where this story goes. But for now, I’m just out here looking for all the silver linings I can find. It’s late-ish, and tomorrow is the start of another new adventure.